if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
