Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
