My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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