i think my tv is drunk
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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