i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize