Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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