Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He has the fingertips of a God
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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