I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
3pm strippers are depressing
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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