A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize