the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
