We named our party play list daddy issues
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
