You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Your face is a jimmy john
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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