bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
