Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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