Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
