Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize