i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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