Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
