I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
