I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
