He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
