The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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