The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
