someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
