Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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