No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My balls are so social today.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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