My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
