is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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