He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
