Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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