I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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