Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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