Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
