how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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