Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
