His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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