Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
