i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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