They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
