Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
