Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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