just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
