another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
whose ass print is on the piano?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
