we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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