My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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