you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
