He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
