My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
