She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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