So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
its liver damage thursday
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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