He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize