I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
