I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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