i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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