Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
