I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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