3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This baby is an asshole
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
