Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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