Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He passed out mid-signature
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
