The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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