I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
