Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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