i just had sex bonerless
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Two words: blizzard sex
COCAINE IS GR8
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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