I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
