My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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