don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
