Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
