Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
