i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
