i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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