i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
