Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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