garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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