The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
