Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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